Doom Patrol Recap: Break Out The Drano, We’re Officially On Hair Patrol


Ask yourself: are you sure that you want to know what happened back at Doom Manor while Larry’s Negative dude was helping Cliff navigate Jane’s brain? Like, even if it involves a trichotillomania fetish and beard hair procured from a swampy sink drain? Okay, but remember: you asked for it. While three of the five Doomies were unconscious, Rita and Victor were dealing with a Bureau of Normalcy mercenary whose superpower involves the ability to track down anyone, anywhere and anywhen simply by ingesting their (*gag*) beard hairs. It’s maybe the grossest superpower we can think of. No, it definitely is.

The Beard Hunter has been sent to track down Niles Caulder on behalf of the Bureau, and after snacking on a clump of his hair (this is where the bathroom sink drain comes into play) he thinks he knows where he is. Rita and Victor manage to detain the Beard Hunter for a while, but after he gets a taste of Victor’s beard he suddenly has the upper hand. What Beardo sees inside Victor’s mind (yes, via his facial follicles) confirms what Jane’s painting has already warned of: Victor is not in control of his own system.


All is not lost, though. Even though Mr. Beard gets the best of Victor, Rita still manages to plant a tracking device on him—one that could lead them to Niles. That said, we do get a sneak peek at where the Beard Hunter’s powers have taken him, and it isn’t pretty. Which leads us to the other half of this story about immortality, Niles Caulder, and a Canadian wolf/bear/walrus hybrid monster/god who rules the north.

Back in the day (1913, specifically), Niles was an employee of the Bureau of Oddities (now the Bureau of Normalcy). On an expedition to track down a wild thing in the Canadian Yukon, Niles was separated from his travel partner, gravely injured, and taken in by the very “creature” he was there to track down (and bring back to “civilization” so that she could be studied, gaped at, and exploited). During his time in the Yukon, Niles came to see the error of his privileged, Western-centric ways. He fell in love with this immortal woman (no longer a “creature”) who saved his life and left her only to protect her from the outside world and the Bureau. Now Mr. Nobody wants her, and he’s threatening to destroy Niles’ band of Doom Manor misfits if he doesn’t get her.


5 questions we have about this week’s episode of Doom Patrol:

1. What is up with Victor’s CPU? Will he be able to fix the malfunction before he hurts someone?

2. The Beard Hunter joins the list of people who’ve told our heroes that Niles Caulder isn’t who he seems. So who is he, exactly?

3. Is Niles really so callous about what happens to his Doomies, or is he simply calling Mr. Nobody’s bluff?

4. Niles’ Canadian girlfriend: what happened to her? Where is she now?

5. Why is Mr. Nobody willing to let Niles go for information about where ‘the girl’ is? Is it immortality he’s after?

Check out the full episode below: